It’s funny. When I named this blog “Neophyte” and referred to myself as being newly planted, I had no idea that I was about to be completely uprooted and planted in a whole new place in life in ways I never would have imagined. I lost my job of almost three years just a few weeks ago, shortly after I started this new blogging adventure. It was very sudden and unexpected and heartbreaking. That’s why I have been so quiet recently. But this has changed my spirit in so many positive ways. This experience has showed me how strong I am, which has been a major confidence boost. It has also showed me how surrounded I am with love and support from my wonderful friends and family. Most importantly, it has reminded me to prioritize my family above all else.
It’s so easy to take those we live with for granted. We see so much of them (even though sometimes it still doesn’t feel like we see them enough) and we tend to stop really paying attention to them or appreciating them. Or reflecting on just how big our love for them is. Right after I lost my job, it was a very real possibility that we would have to move out of our house within a couple of months. I kept thinking about how on my worst days I would always be grateful for my job, our home, and my family. And it suddenly seemed I was losing two out of three of those cornerstones of my life. But that left me with my family. That’s a lot to be left with. That’s everything, in fact.
I got to work and found some ways to provide us with financial relief. We should be able to keep our house for the foreseeable future. But I really needed the reminder that throughout our lives our jobs will change. We may lose some material possessions along the way. Our house may change. Our schedules, our routines, and every other thing about our lives is always vulnerable to sudden change. But no matter what happens, as long as we have each other we will be okay.
This experience could have filled me with sadness and anger, and I have definitely had some of those moments too. But mostly I am just so filled with love and gratitude. We can appreciate parts of our lives all day long, but this has taught me that if you’re appreciating all of the wrong things – it gets you no where. Gratitude in itself is not enough. We have to shift that gratitude to what matters the most: the people we love. It can all change in an instant. And I would hate to think we spent one of our last days not loving each other with everything we’ve got.
Well, this is the second time I sat down to post today. The first time I got sad and thought, “I don’t have anything to write anymore! I should have never started this stupid thing!” (because I am still having some sad/angry/scared/all-the-emotions-at-once moments). This time I sat down thinking I would write about how these lifestyle changes have influenced my style and aesthetic (and I will – next post). But all of this came out instead. So I guess I definitely still have some things to say. It’s just going to take me a while to adjust to my changed heart and how it expresses itself.
The journey continues!
Thanks for reading. ~Mai